Counseling. That is kind of an intimidating word for most people. Well, pre-marital counseling can be an eye-opening experience. After we got engaged, we knew that we wanted Joey's Youth Pastor, Matt, to officiate our wedding. Throughout our engagement, we went through pre-marital counseling. It was one of the most important pieces of the foundation of our marriage. Matt gave us a quiz at the beginning of one of our meetings and said that we needed to guess what each other's love language was. After we finished we discovered something extremely interesting. We had each other completely backward.
The five love languages are acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, and physical touch. Want to guess which one of those is Joey's? What about Chelsea's? Let me give you a little more info on each one in order for you to make an educated guess.
First: Acts of Service. These people need you to show them that actions speak louder than words. They crave the help without even asking so if you are not willing to make the effort then you are saying you do not love them the way they desire.
Second: Words of Affirmation. These people want to hear the compliments and encouragement. The desire the "I love you" and "you look nice today" comments. Words are extremely valuable to them.
Third: Quality time. These people just want you. They want to spend uninterrupted time with you. Quality time could include taking trips or even sitting on the couch watching your favorite show. Just remember to silence the phone and devote your time to your loved one.
Fourth: Gifts. These people want something tangible. It doesn't have to be the most expensive gift as long as it is thoughtful.
Fifth: Physical Touch. These people feel the most love when they are shown physical touch. This doesn't mean that it has to be a crazy amount of Physical Display of Affection (PDA) but holding hands or a kiss on the check will go a long way.
So know that you know a little bit more about each love language would you like to take a guess at each one of ours? Well if you guessed Joey's love language is Words of Affirmation then you would be correct. If you guessed Chelsea's is Acts of Service then you would be correct too! That day in our pre-marital counseling I guessed Joey's was Acts of Service and he guessed mine was Words of Affirmation. Do you see what we did there? We were trying to speak OUR love language to the other one and we were basically speaking foreign languages. I would often wonder why Joey would give me some many compliments when I just wanted him to SHOW me that he loved me. He just wanted me to TELL him instead of showing him. Talk about an EYE-OPENING experience! From that day on we were able to communicate to one another more effectively by showing the correct love language.
I encourage you to dive a little deeper into your relationship to discover how you can speak the right love language. Dr. Gary Chapman's book dissects each of the five love languages and provides more insight into why your loved one may respond the way they do. There is also a version for your kids to determine what makes your little one tick when it comes to the way they receive love the best. You may be trying to speak the wrong language to someone who will never understand it. So go and check it out by clicking HERE!
DISCLAIMER: This blog contains an affiliate link, which means that if you click on one of the product links, we’ll receive a small commission. This helps support the blog and allows us to continue to write blogs like this. Thank you for the support!